Change
is contagious and long lasting and so was the mood of Manvi as she read newspaper with a beautiful smile playing on her
lips. While reading, she recognized it has been so long, she hasn’t met with
self, she hasn’t written anything. As the thought crossed her mind she got excited
to paint her life with the beautiful and intriguing colors of colorful words.
There was a time when she was so expressive with her words when it came to pour
them on the paper but now after excitedly opening her laptop and staring at the
screen for more than half an hour, she was not able to write a single word when
she has so much going around in her mind, but still she was not able to write a
single word. What was wrong with her? Does she forget to form sentence? Does
she forget to write or she forgot to express herself? There were so many
questions which she doesn’t have any answer. She was irritated to the core. How
come she was not able to write a single line when this was what she was most
comfortable with, and this was used to be her thing? She was not able to
understand what has gone wrong in the past years. She was shocked, devastated
and really irritated. All her excitement flew out of the window and she was
left with so much confusion.
Irritated
and confused with all this happenings she logged into her account to divert her
mind and started surfing things of her interest while putting on music of her
choice and humming to herself. Her mood was coming back to normal though the
confusion was still there, but she decided to let it go for then and started
concentrating on the lyrics of the music. In music it was always the lyrics which
have attracted her and everything else came after that only. It was a Sufi song
she was listening to and she started feeling the depth of words and was so much
into it that she didn’t listen the constant ringing of her mobile. She was
losing herself completely in the feel of music when her mobile once again
started ringing bringing her out of her wonderland. She pause her music for a
moment and hurriedly picked up her mobile to see Maan flashing on the screen. She was dazed for a moment but before
it goes off she took the call to hear the worried tone of her husband, who was
asking her constantly why she was not picking her phone when he was trying to
reach her for more than half an hour. He was worried and was asking her, is she
okay? She assured him that her phone was in silent mode and is perfectly fine
asking him reason for calling her at this time, when he rarely use to call her
during office hours and that too when something important comes up. So she was
expecting some kind of serious issue, regarding him calling her but was
surprised when he told her that he has called, just like that to talk to her.
She was pleased but truth was she has never expected this so was a bit hesitant
too, but on the other side Maan was
talking continuously without realizing her dazed state. Her reverie broke when
she heard him asking her something but was oblivious of the whole talk so she
just stayed quite. Her mute attitude now seems to get his attention and he
asked worriedly is she okay. She was more than okay but how could she tell this
to him so she kept mum but he seems to read her mind and so just end the call
not before saying to take care and have her lunch on time. She was happy but
was skeptic at the same time b’coz her happiness has never last longer so was
in habit to suppress her happiness for the sake of her own sanity….But her
muteness doesn’t reduce the effect Maan’s
call has created. She was happy. Yeah she was really HAPPY….!!!
To
celebrate and feel her happiness she again put on music and started losing
herself in the whole feel of it… After a very long time she was being herself,
smiling and humming and feeling the depth of words. The song seems to describe
exactly the way she was feeling….
“Heere Moti main na chaoon,
Main to chahoon sangam tera;
Main to teri saiyaan,tu hai mera “….
Saiyaan, saiyaaaaannnnn, saiyaan …
She
has always desired to be claimed by someone, as their own, has always craved
for a feel of belonging……
Tu jo choole pyaar se,aaraam se mar
jaaoon,
Aaja chanda baahon mein,tujhmein hi
gum ho jaaoon;
Tere naam mein kho jaaoon
Saiyaan ,saiyaaaaaannnnn , saiyaan…..
Never
in her life has she wished more then only being his and him being hers…she just
wanted to be, being known as his only, other than being recognized as his she
doesn’t want her own identity… she want to be known by only being his…..
Mere din khushi se jhoome gaaye
raatein,
Pal pal mujhe doobayein jaatein
jaatein,
Tujhe jeet jeet haaroon,ye praan-praan
waroon;
Haaye aise main niharoon,teri aarti
utaroon,
Tere naam se jude hain saare naate
Saiyaan, saiyaaaannnnnn ,
saiyaan….......
Never
has she thought that the presence of only one person will create such magic to
her life. Her life seems to take a total u-turn and her days seems to be more
happening and nights more magical… she now has content sleep with dreams
playing a soothing music to her senses. Her days now seem to start with that
one person and ends on that very person. He has become the centre of her origin
or his presence is like the sole reason of her existence.
She looses
her identity to win him…..
She has found
him to be lost in him …..
He was her
undisputed space where her wandering soul finds peace…..
He was her
salvation she has waited for so long…..
Her every
emotion and relation starts from him and ends on him only…….
He was the
moments she lives and the solace where her chaos dies…..
Yeh naram-naram nasha hai badhta
jaaye,
Koi pyaar se ghunghatiya deta uthaye,
Ab bawra hua mann,
Jag ho gaya hai roshan,
Yeh nayi-nayi suhagan,
Ho gayi hai teri jogan,
Koi prem ki pujaran mandir sajaye;
Saiyaan , saiyaaaaaaannnnnn ,
saiyaan……..
He
was always her everything without being aware of it. She had not known anything
other than him. For her everything just starts with him and ends on him… her
life was all about him only…. She herself was all about being him
only…..Nothing else mattered for her……she has always loved him insanely, madly,
logically, rationally and spiritually without being reciprocated with the same
feelings from him towards her….. It was always about him and her love till
date… He was always her addiction she never wants to come out with…. She was
just drunk by HIM…..
But
when today he reciprocated her love with care, love and passion, she was on
cloud nine…. She has never felt so happy and contented till now…. The drug he
was to her is just showing its effect ten folds and she was losing herself
completely. She wanted to leave every inhabitation behind and just enjoy this
addictive feeling of love. She was going mad with thousands of emotions
tickling her senses…. The world was never this much brighter, and flowers were
never this beautiful till date….The presence of one person has done the
magic….. She felt like a newly married bride becoming the lover and the devotee
of her own husband…. She felt like meera whose love and devotion has forced her
divine lover to come to the temple of her soul…… she has been truly blessed
with the magic and madness of love today in all sense……
“Heere Moti main na chaoon,
Main to chahoon sangam tera;
Main to teri saiyaan,tu hai mera “….
Main to teri …..
Tu hai mera………
She
never wanted all the materialistic pleasures of world; she always wanted to create
something immortal and noble from materialistic aspect of life….. Some emotion,
bigger than life itself…. And their love for each other is one such thing which
will going to last forever…….
With
these thoughts she went into the kitchen to finish her daily chorus and once
she got busy she lost track of time. After
preparing food and cleaning she went to have her bath and decided to
wear saree for today with a minimal makeup as she was very happy today…..she
wore a beautiful cotton saree and applied vermilion on her forehead and went to
do pooja…. After coming back she applied some kohl in her eyes and some gloss
to enhance her lips…she wore bangles and payal and has left her hair open…..
She
had her lunch while watching tv and decided to read something in her free
time…. She switched off tv and went to living room giving it a dark texture by
closing all windows and switching on dim lights and the side lamp beside sofa
and making herself comfortable there
with a cup of black coffee. It was a book by Agyaye “ Nadi ke Dweep
“,one of her favorite book. Once started reading she just forgot everything and
lost herself in the characters and story. Don’t know how much time passed with
her reading when ringing doorbell drew her attention and she hurriedly came out
to open the door….
A
sweet smile automatically made her way to her lips witnessing her little bundle
of joy Abhi and Navya back from school. Both brother and sister were arguing over
some topic. Once they saw her they forgot all about their fight and just hugged
her shouting mumma in their sweet voice…. she hugged them back and took their
bags and closed door behind them. she changed them in comfortable dress and
told them to get freshen up and come to the dining hall while she will bring
their food. They came and made themselves comfortable on chair while she feed
them asking about their day….. After eating she told them to take a short nap and
went herself with them to bed to make sure they sleep well…. After making them
sleep she went to make arrangements for evening snacks and dinner…..after
arranging everything she put them in fridge so it could be easy to roast or fry
them on time to serve it hot……
She
completed some house chorus and opened her laptop once again to log into her
account. She was searching through some sites when a site caught her
attention…. Though it was new and had very few members but the content their
just caught her eyes and she liked it instantly…..
This
was beginning of a new phase in her life which has made her know herself in a
much more better way, and has helped her to cope up with any kind of obstacles
coming her way and to deal them in a more better and matured way….. It was a
creation of a new her from the ashes of her own self just like phoenix. A
journey was about to start, an expedition to explore and dwell in the deep
layers of her own senses….
As
she was going through the content of the site she find some resemblance and at
the exact moment she got a call from one of her very close friend Suramya stating that it was her site
and she was about to tell her about that and as now she has already liked the
page so she want her to handle the page as her own and is making her the admin.
She was elated with the news but at the same time she was a bit skeptical too
as it seemed that she has forgot to write, & thought of writing as an admin
just freaked her out. She was nervous. But her friend was in no mood to listen
to her and just kept cribbing that she always wanted her to create something
like that and as she didn’t take interest in doing so, so she has to lastly
create that and now she will not buy any excuse of hers and she has to accept
her plea … There was no escape from her dominating self & was so sure that
she will soon be able to write as it is her natural instinct …. So she should
not worry about that. Her constant cribbing forced her to accept her offer and
that was the best thing she had ever done…..
That
was not just an acceptance to be an admin but it was an acceptance to her own
unexpressed self, it was a promise to her unknown desires to give them
identity…. It was a promise of expression to my unexpressed self…. It was a
journey to me for me in order to find me……….
It
was a second time “THE MIDAS TOUCH OF EXPRESSION TO MY
UNEXPRESSED SELF ‘’…….
