Golden Curse Of My Life

Golden Curse Of My Life

The reason meant to be happiness for people is somewhat a curse for me....Yet i m bound to live them but i m still dreading for the worst, b'coz no matter how much time pass some situation always remain same and they are just nightmares you never wanted to live but have to b'coz that's what your life is all about....A feeling so lovely yet you hate to be a part of it, a life you want the most but still denying it, A blessing you crave for but still you just wanna ignore it, b'coz they don't come to you the way it should be or you wanted it to be but it makes you feel neglected, painfully ignored, tortured and brings your worst nightmares alive.

I just wanna stay where I am though its a painful loneliness which sometimes frustrate me to no extent but still it is much more better then the depressing painful helplessness and the disrespect which I have to live every moment. Every second of life seems to be so suffocating that I wanna disappear somewhere and never wanna come back ever again. A life I never chose, but when that life chose me then I tried to live it with full devotion and dedication. I tried my best to make things work. I died hundred deaths and killed myself hundred times to make everything normal but it never worked out for me. I have sacrificed myself in this bargain to gain those feelings which comes naturally to people ,which is gifted to them by mother nature herself but I have to struggle for that also.

My struggle also was not enough to get those feelings and it was ignored and mocked and I was left with nothing but a painful loneliness in my life. I know nothing can bring me those moments and feelings of my life b'coz i have done everything to gain that in my life. I begged for it, i cried for it, i tried for it, i have done everything in my strength but i was never blessed with that. I am a cursed soul cursed to live the golden curse of my life which glitters outside but when you will look inside, it is a wounded soul with scars and will bleed till i die...

( Anshu )